Shalom Life | October 21, 2014

Shalom Love With Stacie Ikka- Is It Rude to Ignore Online Dating Advances?

Stacie Ikka answers readers questions about dating, relationships, and love.

By: Ashley Baylen

Published: January 26th, 2012 in Culture » Society » News

Shalom Love With Stacie Ikka- Is It Rude to Ignore Online Dating Advances?

Matchmaker and dating coach, Stacie Ikka, has been writing for Shalom Life for about two months- covering topics ranging from great places to meet singles to the best way to introduce your new partner to your family for the first time.

Shalom Life readers love Stacie, but started having questions of their own that weren’t covered by her weekly articles. We were flooded with emails with questions for Stacie, so we decided to switch our format and give our readers what they want.

If you have a question for Stacie, email her at stacie@shalomlife.com. Every week, Stacie will choose one question to answer. Don’t worry- everyone will remain anonymous.


BusyC asks:

Is it rude to ignore people’s messages, e-cards or instant messages when doing online dating? I’m a 30-year old female and get at least 20 new messages a day. I just don’t really have the time to answer everyone but I feel bad.

Dear BusyC:

Great question!

I’ve been asked this question at least a hundred times and it seems that most online daters and experts would suggest that it’s not rude – and, actually, expected – that you only answer those messages which are of interest to you. I don’t disagree. I appreciate how time consuming online dating can be and how voluminous one’s inbox can become. Given that many of us spend our work days in front of computer, I also appreciate that few of us want to then come home and spend copious amounts of time responding to messages we didn’t invite or encourage in the first place.

With that said, my personal preference is to acknowledge all communication, simply as a courtesy. I feel that if someone was kind and thoughtful enough to take a few minutes out of their busy day to reach out to me, it would be nice to acknowledge them, even if only to politely decline their advance. I know that this is an unpopular practice and am not necessarily recommending that you adopt it, however, I did want to share that there have been occasions (more than one) in my romantic past where I’ve done this and have had a change of heart because of the dialogue that ensued.

As with anything else, you cannot please everyone. I was once sitting beside a client, helping her with her online dating. I had determined that she was being too rigid in her initial selection process (and she agreed) so she began acknowledging all messages. I helped her craft a polite message to those she was not interested in pursuing – to thank them for reaching out to her – and we sent off about a dozen. Within minutes, she received a very angry response from a gentleman who thought that she was taunting him with her message, and who didn’t understand or appreciate why she would bother responding if she wasn’t interested. Expletives were involved and to say he was irate would be an understatement. Similarly, I have seen clients and friends accosted – aggressively and abusively – by people angered by a lack of response. So, really, it all depends on your comfort level and personal preference.


Stacie

www.sittinginatree.com
The Nosh Pit: Vegan Soups and Stews The Nosh Pit: Vegan Soups and Stews TrendingJerry Seinfeld Honors Jay Leno, Wonders Where His Mark Twain Prize Is Jerry Seinfeld Honors Jay Leno, Wonders Where His Mark Twain Prize Is Trending'The Real Housewives of New York' Welcomes Back Bethenny Frankel 'The Real Housewives of New York' Welcomes Back Bethenny Frankel Trending
 

2,000-Year-Old Monument Bearing anti-Semitic Emperor's Name Unearthed in Jerusalem

October 21, 2014 | By Itay Blumental
2,000-Year-Old Monument Bearing anti-Semitic Emperor's Name Unearthed in Jerusalem

Stone with Latin inscription, dedicated to emperor known for his cruelty to Jews, uncovered north of Damascus Gate

Read More

Sleater-Kinney is Back Together After 10 Years

October 20, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Sleater-Kinney is Back Together After 10 Years

The band is releasing their first album since 2005 and going on tour.

Read More

The Nosh Pit: Vegan Soups and Stews

October 20, 2014 | By Sara Torvik
The Nosh Pit: Vegan Soups and Stews

What's better than comforting and healthy soups and stews on these damp and rainy days?

Read More

Jerry Seinfeld Honors Jay Leno, Wonders Where His Mark Twain Prize Is

October 20, 2014 | By Sara Torvik
Jerry Seinfeld Honors Jay Leno, Wonders Where His Mark Twain Prize Is

Seinfeld was one of many comedians that celebrated the former 'Tonight Show' host

Read More

'The Real Housewives of New York' Welcomes Back Bethenny Frankel

October 20, 2014 | By Sara Torvik
'The Real Housewives of New York' Welcomes Back Bethenny Frankel

The Skinnygirl founder will be returning for the seventh season of the popular reality series.

Read More

Known for Chemistry, Israeli Nobel Laureate Also Champions Tech Entrepreneurship

October 20, 2014 | By Alina Dain Sharon, JNS.org
Known for Chemistry, Israeli Nobel Laureate Also Champions Tech Entrepreneurship

Dan Shechtman, winner of the 2011 Nobel Prize in Chemistry and a candidate in last June's Israeli presidential election, has long championed technological entrepreneurship and its potential to improve lives around the world

Read More

Israeli Study Says Diet Soda Can Lead to Diabetes and Obesity

October 20, 2014 | By NoCamels Team
Israeli Study Says Diet Soda Can Lead to Diabetes and Obesity

Is this the reason why diet soda drinkers are often overweight?

Read More

Report Claims Nazi War Criminals Received Millions in U.S. Social Security Benefits

October 20, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Report Claims Nazi War Criminals Received Millions in U.S. Social Security Benefits

Investigation by Associated Press finds that dozens of Nazis collected payments as part of a deal to force them to leave the U.S. voluntarily

Read More

More Headlines