Shalom Life | October 31, 2014

Shalom Love With Stacie Ikka- Is It Rude to Ignore Online Dating Advances?

Stacie Ikka answers readers questions about dating, relationships, and love.

By: Ashley Baylen

Published: January 26th, 2012 in Culture » Society » News

Shalom Love With Stacie Ikka- Is It Rude to Ignore Online Dating Advances?

Matchmaker and dating coach, Stacie Ikka, has been writing for Shalom Life for about two months- covering topics ranging from great places to meet singles to the best way to introduce your new partner to your family for the first time.

Shalom Life readers love Stacie, but started having questions of their own that weren’t covered by her weekly articles. We were flooded with emails with questions for Stacie, so we decided to switch our format and give our readers what they want.

If you have a question for Stacie, email her at stacie@shalomlife.com. Every week, Stacie will choose one question to answer. Don’t worry- everyone will remain anonymous.


BusyC asks:

Is it rude to ignore people’s messages, e-cards or instant messages when doing online dating? I’m a 30-year old female and get at least 20 new messages a day. I just don’t really have the time to answer everyone but I feel bad.

Dear BusyC:

Great question!

I’ve been asked this question at least a hundred times and it seems that most online daters and experts would suggest that it’s not rude – and, actually, expected – that you only answer those messages which are of interest to you. I don’t disagree. I appreciate how time consuming online dating can be and how voluminous one’s inbox can become. Given that many of us spend our work days in front of computer, I also appreciate that few of us want to then come home and spend copious amounts of time responding to messages we didn’t invite or encourage in the first place.

With that said, my personal preference is to acknowledge all communication, simply as a courtesy. I feel that if someone was kind and thoughtful enough to take a few minutes out of their busy day to reach out to me, it would be nice to acknowledge them, even if only to politely decline their advance. I know that this is an unpopular practice and am not necessarily recommending that you adopt it, however, I did want to share that there have been occasions (more than one) in my romantic past where I’ve done this and have had a change of heart because of the dialogue that ensued.

As with anything else, you cannot please everyone. I was once sitting beside a client, helping her with her online dating. I had determined that she was being too rigid in her initial selection process (and she agreed) so she began acknowledging all messages. I helped her craft a polite message to those she was not interested in pursuing – to thank them for reaching out to her – and we sent off about a dozen. Within minutes, she received a very angry response from a gentleman who thought that she was taunting him with her message, and who didn’t understand or appreciate why she would bother responding if she wasn’t interested. Expletives were involved and to say he was irate would be an understatement. Similarly, I have seen clients and friends accosted – aggressively and abusively – by people angered by a lack of response. So, really, it all depends on your comfort level and personal preference.


Stacie

www.sittinginatree.com
Lena Dunham and Celebrity BFF’s Raise Awareness For Planned Parenthood Lena Dunham and Celebrity BFF’s Raise Awareness For Planned Parenthood TrendingDafy Hagai Challenges Everything You Think You Know About Israeli Girls Dafy Hagai Challenges Everything You Think You Know About Israeli Girls TrendingAmy Winehouse Exhibition Lands in Tel Aviv Amy Winehouse Exhibition Lands in Tel Aviv Trending
 

Latvian Musical About A Nazi War Criminal Causes Uproar

October 31, 2014 | By Caitlin Marceau
Latvian Musical About A Nazi War Criminal Causes Uproar

A new musical celebrating Herbert Cukurs, deputy to the leader of the Arajs Commando during the Holocaust, is being met with rightful criticism

Read More

The Israel Association of Baseball Launches Their First Ever Baseball Academy

October 31, 2014 | By Caitlin Marceau
The Israel Association of Baseball Launches Their First Ever Baseball Academy

Ten players between the ages of 14 and 21 will be selected annually to participate in the academy, and participate in a grueling, one year intensive training program

Read More

Birthright Honeymoons To Israel Are Now A Thing

October 31, 2014 | By Caitlin Marceau
Birthright Honeymoons To Israel Are Now A Thing

Honeymoon Israel hopes to bring North American newlyweds on a near fully subsidized trip to Israel to help keep the Jewish faith alive

Read More

Dry California Welcomes Israeli Water Expert

October 31, 2014 | By Abigail Klein Leichman
Dry California Welcomes Israeli Water Expert

'As an issue of national security, Israel has successfully made itself water independent,' says California Natural Resources Agency Secretary John Laird

Read More

Op-Ed: CUNY Is No Place For BDS Movement’s Hate

October 31, 2014 | By Jacob Baime, JNS.org
Op-Ed: CUNY Is No Place For BDS Movement’s Hate

Last week, the doctoral students council of CUNY once again considered a hateful resolution, calling for a boycott of Israeli academic institutions

Read More

Lieberman to Sweden: Middle East Relations More Complex Than Assembling IKEA Furniture

October 31, 2014 | By Ynet News
Lieberman to Sweden: Middle East Relations More Complex Than Assembling IKEA Furniture

Swedish Foreign Minister Margot Wallstrom disagrees

Read More

Lena Dunham and Celebrity BFF’s Raise Awareness For Planned Parenthood

October 30, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Lena Dunham and Celebrity BFF’s Raise Awareness For Planned Parenthood

The 'Girls' creator has designed a shirt for the women's rights organization

Read More

Seth Rogen Will Play Steve Wozniak in New Steve Jobs Bio Pic

October 30, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Seth Rogen Will Play Steve Wozniak in New Steve Jobs Bio Pic

Rogen is in negotiations to star as the Apple co-founder alongside Christian Bale

Read More

More Headlines