Shalom Life | October 24, 2014

Shalom Love With Stacie Ikka- I'm In Love With Someone That I Can't Have

Stacie gives advice to a reader that is in love with someone who is unavailable

By: Ashley Baylen

Published: February 20th, 2012 in Culture » Society » News

Shalom Love With Stacie Ikka- I'm In Love With Someone That I Can't Have
Matchmaker and dating coach, Stacie Ikka, has been writing for Shalom Life for about two months- covering topics ranging from great places to meet singles to the best way to introduce your new partner to your family for the first time.

Shalom Life readers love Stacie, but started having questions of their own that weren’t covered by her weekly articles. We were flooded with emails with questions for Stacie, so we decided to switch our format and give our readers what they want.

If you have a question for Stacie, email her at stacie@shalomlife.com. Every week, Stacie will choose one question to answer. Don’t worry- everyone will remain anonymous.

Frustrated In Love asks:

Stacie, I have been in love with someone for the past year who is unavailable to me. I have tried many times to get over it but that doesn’t just feel natural. Logic tells me to move on but my heart won’t let me. Any advice would be appreciated.

Dear Frustrated In Love,

Thank you for your question. You have my sympathy. I think many of us have been in a similar situation where we’ve had feelings for someone who hasn’t reciprocated. There is no denying how painful that is. Without knowing all of the details of your specific circumstances, it’s difficult for me to give advice that you may find helpful. A few questions that come to mind are:

1) What makes him unavailable to you?

2) What is it about him that you love?

3) What is the “logic” you refer to?

4) What have you done to try to “get over him” and what has made it feel unnatural?

5) How is your heart preventing you from moving on?

While these questions may seem obvious, perhaps it’s worthwhile for you to go through the exercise of answering them for yourself…in the absence of friends, family or any other external sources.

I’m concerned that you have been – seemingly – fixated on someone for such a long period of time. It makes me wonder what he represents for/to you and what void he may be filling. Have you dated other people in the interim? Do you have any other potential suitors? When we feel that we only have one option available to us, it’s really easy to attach all of our hopes, dreams and desires to that person.

Without knowing anything about you, the object of your affection, or the circumstances, I do know that you deserve more. You deserve someone who is available to you – physically, emotionally, romantically…in every sense of the word. You deserve to be with someone who has the same feelings for you as you do for them. You deserve to be with someone whose heart keeps them with you, as yours is trying to do with this particular individual. You deserve to be so busy enjoying the attention and affection that your partner is lavishing upon you that you don’t have any time left to bemoan or begrudge what you’re missing.

I hope that you will consider “putting yourself out there” – dating, flirting, socializing…as often as possible – even if only to provide yourself with a superficial distraction. I genuinely believe that over time – as more appealing options present themselves (which can only happen if you open yourself in some capacity to the possibilities) – you will realize that this person is not right for you. At least, not now.


Stacie

www.sittinginatree.com
Maya Rudolph and Sarah Silverman Star in Animated Alpaca Film About Economic Inequality Maya Rudolph and Sarah Silverman Star in Animated Alpaca Film About Economic Inequality TrendingLizzy Caplan to Join 'Now You See Me' Sequel Lizzy Caplan to Join 'Now You See Me' Sequel TrendingAnthony Rose: The Chef on Dupont Street Anthony Rose: The Chef on Dupont Street Trending
 

Startup Club: Hello Doctor

October 23, 2014 | By Caitlin Marceau
Startup Club: Hello Doctor

The revolutionary new app that allows patients to download their medical records has just received funding from companies that include Facebook and and Google

Read More

Breakthrough Jew - Nic Sheff

October 23, 2014 | By Sara Torvik
Breakthrough Jew - Nic Sheff

Sheff is a best-selling author who uses his experiences as an addict to help others struggling with similar battles.

Read More

Who Was Sarah Michelle Gellar's Favorite On-Screen Kiss With?

October 23, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Who Was Sarah Michelle Gellar's Favorite On-Screen Kiss With?

Hint: It's not her husband, Freddie Prinze Jr.

Read More

Paula Abdul Wants You To "Check Yourself" During Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October 23, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Paula Abdul Wants You To "Check Yourself" During Breast Cancer Awareness Month

The former 'American Idol' judge has joined forces with Avon for a new campaign.

Read More

Is This a Halloween Costume or Just James Franco?

October 23, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Is This a Halloween Costume or Just James Franco?

Seriously. We know Megan Fox is dressed up, but what is Franco doing?

Read More

Smart People Listen to Bob Dylan, Dumb People Listen to Beyonce

October 23, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Smart People Listen to Bob Dylan, Dumb People Listen to Beyonce

A new study has compared SAT scores to musical taste to determine what types of music people of varying intellects listen to.

Read More

Air Canada Centre Painted Blue & White As Jewish Toronto Cheers On Maccabi Haifa [PICS]

October 23, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Air Canada Centre Painted Blue & White As Jewish Toronto Cheers On Maccabi Haifa [PICS]

The Israeli basketball team had an impressive 21-0 run before losing to the Raptors, 92-85

Read More

Op-Ed: A New Low for the Associated Press

October 23, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Op-Ed: A New Low for the Associated Press

After a Palestinian terrorist rammed his car into a crowded train station, killing a baby, the Associated Press ran this story: "Israeli Police Shoot Man in East Jerusalem"

Read More

More Headlines