Shalom Life | July 06, 2015

Madonna Plans to Make Aliyah

Singer ready to move family to Israel.

By: Daniel Horowitz

Published: June 1st, 2012 in Culture » Music » News

Madonna Plans to Make Aliyah

In the aftermath of her first show in Ramat Gan stadium that thrilled over 30,000 fans this week, 53-year-old pop sensation Madonna has told Shalom Life that at her age, it’s time to slow down, and she plans to cancel her current MDNA tour and remain in Tel Aviv where she says watching her children Rocco, David, and Mercy play on the beach is “like a prayer.”

Despite pleas from her father Silvio Anthony Ciccone to return to the United States, Madonna is taking a “Papa, don’t preach” stand, and told Shalom Life that, “It’s always been my dream to one day put down roots in Israel. I can’t tell you how much nachas I get just being in this electric place. And, I won’t miss the schlep of traffic in the States anymore.”

Madonna reportedly has a number of “high-end” real estate brokers on the prowl, trying to find the perfect secluded property worthy of a star of her magnitude. She has also been spotted at a number of Jewish schools where she plans on sending her children once they’ve made the move to the Middle East.

Discussing the reason for her decision to make Israel her new home, Madonna points at a young 20-something IDF solider in uniform and says, "That's reason no.1. This country is filled with young, gorgeous boys in uniform. Israel for me is like a buffet for a fat kid."

Perhaps another reason is Madonna’s devotion to Kabbalah while she was pregnant in the mid-'90s, and has studied it ever since.

Kabbalistic tradition has long held that Kabbalah is so complicated and so easily misunderstood that students may only begin to approach it with a strong background in Jewish law and only after age 40, the age of wisdom according to the Mishnah.

According to an anonymous “Israeli religious figure” who spoke to Shalom Life, his synagogue in Jerusalem is “gearing up for a very special ceremony that will take place shortly. I can’t tell you what it is, so, you’ll have to wait and see.”

Rumours throughout the Old City of Jerusalem continue to suggest that Madonna has been undergoing a comprehensive Jewish education over the past several months, which, with the upcoming ceremony, will culminate with the Material Girl converting to Judaism.

When Shalom Life asked Madonna whether she was comfortable enough to discuss her potential transformation to Judaism, the singer replied, “Am I comfortable? I make a living! What kind of a question was that? Oy, what a shmuck!”

The above is fictional, except for possibly the part about the IDF soldiers. We're pretty sure Madonna said that to someone, somewhere, while in Israel, we just can confirm it yet.

Jon Stewart to Become Jewish Super Hero after Daily Show? Jon Stewart to Become Jewish Super Hero after Daily Show? TrendingWATCH: Jon Stewart Says What We're All Thinking in Response to Ted Cruz's 'Simpsons' Audition WATCH: Jon Stewart Says What We're All Thinking in Response to Ted Cruz's 'Simpsons' Audition TrendingWATCH: Nirvana Goes Middle Eastern WATCH: Nirvana Goes Middle Eastern Trending
 

Google-owned Video Game Turns Concentration Camps into ‘Playable’ Spaces

July 04, 2015 | By Jeff Low
Google-owned Video Game Turns Concentration Camps into ‘Playable’ Spaces

'Ingress' players establish playable zones at concentration camp memorial sites, Google subsidiary receives considerable backlash

Read More

Yahoo Finance Links ‘Jewish Funding’ to Hypocritical White Supremacist, Earl P. Holt

July 04, 2015 | By Jeff Low
Yahoo Finance Links ‘Jewish Funding’ to Hypocritical White Supremacist, Earl P. Holt

Yahoo Finance reporter Rick Newman uncovers information which may link Earl Pendleton Holt III, president of 'racist,' 'extremist' group, to inherited 'Jewish funding'

Read More

‘Rent a Jew’ Program to Unite Jewish, non-Jewish Germans

July 04, 2015 | By Jeff Low
‘Rent a Jew’ Program to Unite Jewish, non-Jewish Germans

Provocative NGO initiative, 'Rent a Jew' program seeks to build relationships between German youth

Read More

Jon Stewart to Become Jewish Super Hero after Daily Show?

July 04, 2015 | By Jeff Low
Jon Stewart to Become Jewish Super Hero after Daily Show?

During an interview with Jon Hamm, Stewart revealed his goal to become Minyan Man

Read More

Single Cells are the "Ultimate Anatomy" and will Revolutionize Medicine

July 04, 2015 | By B. Shane Morganstein
Single Cells are the "Ultimate Anatomy" and will Revolutionize Medicine

Eric Lander, father of the Human Genome Project, believes looking at single cells is the medicine of the future

Read More

Jerry Seinfeld to Trevor Noah: You'll Do Just Fine

July 04, 2015 | By B. Shane Morganstein
Jerry Seinfeld to Trevor Noah: You'll Do Just Fine

The new 'Daily Show' host is the latest guest on 'Comedians in Cars'

Read More

Check Out Super Bowl Champion Julian Edelman's Photos from Israel

July 03, 2015 | By B. Shane Morganstein
Check Out Super Bowl Champion Julian Edelman's Photos from Israel

A look at the New England Patriots star's trip to the Holy Land

Read More

More Headlines