Spiderman is Jewish: The Irrefutable Proof

Thank you Spiderman…or should I call you Speiderman?

By: Daniel Horowitz
Published: June 22nd, 2012 in Culture » Society » News

You’ve undoubtedly heard the rumours that Spiderman’s costumed alter-ego, Peter Parker is Jewish.

Well, Shalom Life is pleased to let you know the truth. It is true. The web slinger is a Member of the Tribe!

Figure it out.

Peter Parker was a nerdy brain in school, with barely a glimmer of attention thrown his way by any young ladies.

But, like the greatest Jewish warriors throughout history, when his family or friends, or community are under attack, off comes the pocket protector, and he turns into one of the greatest, strongest, and bravest soldiers of all time.

He hates his boss, the Hitler-mustachioed J. Jonah Jamieson. Coincidence? I think not.

He climbs walls to great heights. Any of you hear of the “Wailing Wall” in Jerusalem’s Old City? To Jews, it’s the holiest site anywhere, and we’ve been using it for many years to climb to new heights of spirituality, by praying to Hashem.

I’ve also heard form a local kosher restaraunteur that Spiderman’s (or, perhaps we should call him Speiderman?) mysterious web is made up of corn starch, water and, get this, hummus!

And, who knows, maybe going one step further, could Spidey be not only Jewish, but frum, as well? Think about it, unlike Superman, Wonder Woman, the Hulk, and many, many other superheroes, our Hebrew Hero covers every inch of his body, from head to toe, with even his eyes covered. Hmmm, modesty in a super hero? Rare, indeed.

And, his name himself is a give a way, no? Goldman, Starkman, Shulman, and, yes, Spiderman! If it ends in “man”, chances are good that he’s one of us.

And, did you ever notice Peter Parker/Spiderman’s quick and witty repartee when he’s “webbing up” a bank robber? He always uses his humour, often sarcastic, as part of his daily shtick just like countless Borsht Belt comics did for generations.

And, I’m not sure how old the current Spiderman is supposed to be in his films, but consider that he’s way too damn old to still be living with his aunt and uncle. And, oh yeah, in case you’re still not convinced that Spiderman had a bris, consider this, he’s supposedly the alter-ego of Stan Lee (nee Lieber) the Jewish genius who gave life to Spidy. And, where do they live? In Forest Hills, Queens, a neighborhood that is still home to the largest Jewish community in New York.

And how about this for irrefutable proof? He lusts after beautiful Gwen Stacey, a shicksa if I’ve ever seen one!

Anyway, if you’re still doubting the Web Slinger’s heritage, remember, the newest personification of him on the big screen is England’s own Andrew Garfield, very much a Jew himself.