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REVIEW: This Means War

This Means War proves that it's impossible to make a good film that appeals to everyone.
By: Jake Horowitz
Published: February 14th, 2012 in Culture » Film » Reviews
This Means War poster

This Valentine’s day, the people behind This Means War are hoping you’ll take your better half to see their film. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, because this romantic comedy is also an action movie! And a spy movie! And it stars Reese Witherspoon! And Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are in it! And Chelsea Handler too! The benefits of why every movie-going person in the world should see this film are laid out like a recipe for all to see, and director McG and the writers must have thought they had the winning formula when they crafted this film.

Turns out, they were wrong.

This Means War does what few movies have done in the past and tries to cater towards EVERYONE. If this movie were a four-course meal, it would be the equivalent of Matzo Ball Soup, Chicken Fried Rice with Curry, a Bacon Double Cheeseburger, and Gelato. If that doesn’t spell disaster, I don’t know what does.

In trying to appeal to all demographics, This Means War leaves one out- fans of good movies. It’s got pretty generic action scenes, clichéd comedy lines, and a concept that seems incredibly familiar. Two spies turned against each other, now where have I seen that before?

The actors do the best with what they’re given, but ultimately they’re not given much. This is not to mention the fact that the ending makes completely no sense and is kind of amazing in its own right. To say anything would be to spoil the film’s only spoilable moment, but once the film ends you should be scratching your head wondering why the characters have done such stupid things. Not that this is the kind of movie where you need to be nit picking at plot holes anyways.

This is the kind of film that people who like a movie like Vampires Suck would like. If you enjoy people getting hit in the crotch with unnecessarily loud sound effects and someone calling alcohol “Mommy’s special milk,” then this is the movie for you.

This Means War isn’t good and any sane person would know that, but if you’re not looking for much more from a movie than the fact that it…exists…then go see this film. If you prefer something well written and well made, stay away.

Related articles: This Means War, McG, Reese Witherspoon, Chelsea Handler, Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, Spy, Action, Valentine's Day, Romantic Comedy, Romcom
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