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Stephen Colbert to Jews: Stop 'Cockblocking' Our Holidays

The comedian spoke of the trending topic 'Thanksgivukkah,' the first time in centuries that Hanukkah and Thanksgiving will occur on the same day

By: Gideon Greenbaum-Shinder
Published: October 10th, 2013 in Culture » TV » News
Stephen Colbert

Last Wednesday, Stephen Colbert implored the nation to fight back against the Jewish encroachment on thanksgiving this year on his show, The Colbert Report.

As a patriotic man with red, white and blue pumping through his veins, Colbert asserts that this will lead to mass confusion, and that the oily stain of Chanukah’s new pumpkin latkes will forever mar the historical accuracy of Thanksgiving.

With a vicious and scathing sarcastic tone Stephen Colbert declared:

"How dare you Hannukah! These two holidays have nothing in common. Hannukah celebrates the struggle of an oppressed people’s fight against invading conquerors, while Thanksgiving is about our healthy and nurturing relationship with the Indians."

Mocking American history, Colbert claims that American children possibly learn about giving and being thankful with us Jews stepping all over their turkey day. How else are they to learn about manifest destiny, how to take things from others and the systematic rape of first nations culture?

"Pretty soon schoolkids will think Thanksgiving started when the Wampanoags sat down with the Maccabees and the yams lasted for eight nights!"

After 'accidentally' drawing a Hitler style moustache on himself with a permanent marker, Colbert actually broke character and basically apologized. He then went on to create another Thanksgivikaism:

"CHanukka? [stressing the ch] I’ve CHad it up to CHere with your CHoCHbloCHing our holidays."

I'll let you decipher what that means on your own.

Indeed what could be more appropriate for the melting pot of USA multiculturalism than two cultures trying to join two celebratory holidays together? Of course if that does not appeal to you, everyone is free to stick with thanksgiving's original purpose:

"America’s sacred day dedicated to hearing Nana’s unvarnished opinions on Filipinos."

Thanks for clarifying that Stephen.

Related articles: Stephen Colbert, Thanksgivukkah, Hanukkah, Jewish News, Thanksgiving, Holidays
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