Shalom Life | October 25, 2014

Helen Thomas Named Knesset’s New Press Secretary

The Knesset is about to get a lot more interesting.

By: Fake News Staff

Published: January 14th, 2011 in News » World

Helen Thomas Named Knesset’s New Press Secretary

In a surprise move that nobody could have possibly anticipated, longtime White House news correspondent Helen Thomas, 89, who has asked questions to every president since John F. Kennedy, is the Knesset’s new Press Secretary.

Thomas, who’s unique no-holds barred interview style often made press secretaries gasp and her colleagues cringe, retired last year, following an uproar over her remarks that Jews should “get the hell out of Palestine” and “go home to Poland, Germany and America and everywhere else.”

When asked about his newest employee, Israel’s prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu seemed pleased. “Finally, there will be somebody in the Knesset with a lower approval rating than me,” joked the prime minister.

“I have no idea what all the fuss is about with you people,” Thomas told a reporter from The Jerusalem Post who asked her about her new position. “I have always enjoyed working with and around Jews. I have never had anything but affection and respect for Jews, especially the ones who know their place which, of course, is Poland or Germany.”

The above story is fictional. Of course. The chances of Thomas being Israel's Press Secretary are about the same as this piece winning a Pulitzer. Also, it gave us another reason to post this picture.

Jews Around the World to Take Part in the Shabbat Project Jews Around the World to Take Part in the Shabbat Project TrendingOp-Ed: A New Low for the Associated Press Op-Ed: A New Low for the Associated Press Trending“Cloud & Light” Takes First Place in Sukkahville 2014 “Cloud & Light” Takes First Place in Sukkahville 2014 Trending
 

Seinfeld Finally Joins Facebook and Instagram [VIDEO]

October 24, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Seinfeld Finally Joins Facebook and Instagram [VIDEO]

A hilarious video shows Michael Richards asking Seinfeld to take out Netflix and Hulu.

Read More

Seth Rogen and Megan Fox Join James Franco’s ‘Zeroville’

October 24, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Seth Rogen and Megan Fox Join James Franco’s ‘Zeroville’

Rogen and Fox will be co-starring alongside Will Ferrell, Danny McBride and Dave Franco

Read More

Mila Kunis Dolls Are Coming To a Store Near You

October 24, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Mila Kunis Dolls Are Coming To a Store Near You

Adorable dolls featuring Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum in 'Jupiter Ascending' are coming out in January

Read More

Jews Around the World to Take Part in the Shabbat Project

October 24, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Jews Around the World to Take Part in the Shabbat Project

Jews in 460 cities across the world to take part in the inspirational Jewish initiative, including Paula Abdul and Mayim Bialik

Read More

Wix Named 'Hottest Middle Eastern Startup'

October 24, 2014 | By Viva Sarah Press
Wix Named 'Hottest Middle Eastern Startup'

Inc. magazine credits Israeli DIY website creation platform with taking a complicated task and making it enjoyable

Read More

‘Fury’ A Blistering Account of World War II—Sans the Holocaust

October 24, 2014 | By Jason Stack, JNS.org
‘Fury’ A Blistering Account of World War II—Sans the Holocaust

The Brad Pitt and Shia LaBeouf-starring film essentially omits the brunt of the Holocaust from World War II

Read More

Israeli Company Shows that Energy Does in Fact Grow on Trees

October 24, 2014 | By NoCamels Team
Israeli Company Shows that Energy Does in Fact Grow on Trees

The eTree is a solar-powered urban habitat that is constructed from metal pipes and topped with solar panels

Read More

For the First Time Ever, Women of the Wall Hold Torah Reading at the Kotel

October 24, 2014 | By Kobi Nachshoni
For the First Time Ever, Women of the Wall Hold Torah Reading at the Kotel

Western Wall rabbi says "This will never happen again" after the group managed to smuggle a tiny scroll into the women's section of the Western Wall

Read More

More Headlines