Shalom Life | April 23, 2014

Helen Thomas Named Knesset’s New Press Secretary

The Knesset is about to get a lot more interesting.

By: Fake News Staff

Published: January 14th, 2011 in News » World

Helen Thomas Named Knesset’s New Press Secretary

In a surprise move that nobody could have possibly anticipated, longtime White House news correspondent Helen Thomas, 89, who has asked questions to every president since John F. Kennedy, is the Knesset’s new Press Secretary.

Thomas, who’s unique no-holds barred interview style often made press secretaries gasp and her colleagues cringe, retired last year, following an uproar over her remarks that Jews should “get the hell out of Palestine” and “go home to Poland, Germany and America and everywhere else.”

When asked about his newest employee, Israel’s prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu seemed pleased. “Finally, there will be somebody in the Knesset with a lower approval rating than me,” joked the prime minister.

“I have no idea what all the fuss is about with you people,” Thomas told a reporter from The Jerusalem Post who asked her about her new position. “I have always enjoyed working with and around Jews. I have never had anything but affection and respect for Jews, especially the ones who know their place which, of course, is Poland or Germany.”

The above story is fictional. Of course. The chances of Thomas being Israel's Press Secretary are about the same as this piece winning a Pulitzer. Also, it gave us another reason to post this picture.

Chisel Used to Build Western Wall Discovered Chisel Used to Build Western Wall Discovered TrendingMissouri Mayor Resigns After Siding with Kansas Shooter Missouri Mayor Resigns After Siding with Kansas Shooter TrendingJewish Men Leave Synagogue to Save Family from Burning Car Jewish Men Leave Synagogue to Save Family from Burning Car Trending
 

Anton Yelchin and Zooey Deschanel Slated for ‘The Driftless Area’

April 23, 2014 | By Sarah Bauder
Anton Yelchin and Zooey Deschanel Slated for ‘The Driftless Area’

The film will also star John Hawkes, Ciaran Hinds, and Alia Shawkat.

Read More

Sarah Silverman Apologizes in Advance For Swastika Doodle

April 23, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Sarah Silverman Apologizes in Advance For Swastika Doodle

The controversial comedian posted a doodle she drew of a swastika to her Twitter feed.

Read More

Andy Samberg to Return to ‘SNL’ as Host

April 23, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Andy Samberg to Return to ‘SNL’ as Host

The 'Saturday Night Live' alum will be hosting on May 17th.

Read More

Drake Lint Rolls His Pants During Raptors Playoff Game [VIDEO]

April 23, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Drake Lint Rolls His Pants During Raptors Playoff Game [VIDEO]

The Raptors global brand ambassador wanted to ensure he looked his best while his team beat the Brooklyn Nets

Read More

Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman Welcome Baby Frankie

April 23, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman Welcome Baby Frankie

The actress announced the birth of another happy baby girl on Tuesday.

Read More

Mel Brooks to Star in Autobiographical One-Man Show

April 23, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Mel Brooks to Star in Autobiographical One-Man Show

The 87-year old actor/director is planning a solo show in Los Angeles for one-night only.

Read More

Travel Back in Time with Google Street View

April 23, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Travel Back in Time with Google Street View

Google's latest feature allows you to scroll through past Street view photos, whether in New York, Toronto, or Singapore

Read More

Biden Denounces anti-Semitic Attacks in Ukraine as More Jewish Sites are Vandalized

April 23, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Biden Denounces anti-Semitic Attacks in Ukraine as More Jewish Sites are Vandalized

The U.S. Vice President, currently in the politically unstable region, said there is 'no place' for the attacks on its Jewish community

Read More

More Headlines