Shalom Life | October 30, 2014

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

U.S. President plans to undergo bris on national television to regain Jewish trust

By: Daniel Horowitz

Published: June 16th, 2012 in News » World

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

In actions that many consider to be desperation, United States President Barack Obama, who has seen his support from Jewish Americans plummet in recent weeks, is doing all that he can to bring Members of the Tribe back into his Democratic fold.

In a move that has shocked all across bipartisan lines, President Obama, who recently presented Israeli President Shimon Peres and former Jew, singer Bob Dylan, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, has announced his plans to undergo a brit milah, commonly known as a "bris" - a ritual circumcision performed on Jewish males on their eighth day of life.

The President's bris will be performed live, on all three national US networks in the next week to ten days, in an uninterrupted telecast with no commercials, or, "uncut", if you will.

Should the bris not help his standings, Obama is also willing to get Bar Mitzvahed. "Drake did it in his 20s, and now David Arquette did it in his 40s. I would be happy to be the first American President to do it. Just not in Jerusalem. Not as long as it's a part of Israel," said Obama.

When reached for comments, The First Lady, Michelle Obama quipped, "Hey, I've been used to a turtle neck for all these years but now, with summer here, maybe it's time for a V-Neck. Besides, it might be fun, after all, I've often heard that 'once you had Jew, you forget all you knew!"

According to a spokesman for the president, other plans to woo Jewish voters back to the Obama camp include the president styling his close cropped hair to resemble a yarmulke, and, if reelected, Obama says he will dress like his hero, the late Black-Jewish singer and actor, Sammy Davis Junior, at the inauguration.

The above article is fictional. Well, except for Obama's desperate attempt to gain Jewish support. That, unfortunately for him, is all too real.

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