Shalom Life | March 27, 2015

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

U.S. President plans to undergo bris on national television to regain Jewish trust

By: Daniel Horowitz

Published: June 16th, 2012 in News » World

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

In actions that many consider to be desperation, United States President Barack Obama, who has seen his support from Jewish Americans plummet in recent weeks, is doing all that he can to bring Members of the Tribe back into his Democratic fold.

In a move that has shocked all across bipartisan lines, President Obama, who recently presented Israeli President Shimon Peres and former Jew, singer Bob Dylan, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, has announced his plans to undergo a brit milah, commonly known as a "bris" - a ritual circumcision performed on Jewish males on their eighth day of life.

The President's bris will be performed live, on all three national US networks in the next week to ten days, in an uninterrupted telecast with no commercials, or, "uncut", if you will.

Should the bris not help his standings, Obama is also willing to get Bar Mitzvahed. "Drake did it in his 20s, and now David Arquette did it in his 40s. I would be happy to be the first American President to do it. Just not in Jerusalem. Not as long as it's a part of Israel," said Obama.

When reached for comments, The First Lady, Michelle Obama quipped, "Hey, I've been used to a turtle neck for all these years but now, with summer here, maybe it's time for a V-Neck. Besides, it might be fun, after all, I've often heard that 'once you had Jew, you forget all you knew!"

According to a spokesman for the president, other plans to woo Jewish voters back to the Obama camp include the president styling his close cropped hair to resemble a yarmulke, and, if reelected, Obama says he will dress like his hero, the late Black-Jewish singer and actor, Sammy Davis Junior, at the inauguration.

The above article is fictional. Well, except for Obama's desperate attempt to gain Jewish support. That, unfortunately for him, is all too real.

Chicago Tribune Cartoon Paints Bibi As Murderous Warmonger Chicago Tribune Cartoon Paints Bibi As Murderous Warmonger TrendingNew Orleans Student Group Launches Petition to Divest from Palestinian Authority New Orleans Student Group Launches Petition to Divest from Palestinian Authority TrendingKanye West & Kim Kardashian Are Coming to Israel Kanye West & Kim Kardashian Are Coming to Israel Trending
 

Facebook Integrates Israeli App into Messenger

March 26, 2015 | By NoCamels Team
Facebook Integrates Israeli App into Messenger

Social media giant incorporates Magisto, an app that turns photos and videos into a short animated film

Read More

Toronto's Iconic Pancer’s Deli To Reopen

March 26, 2015 | By Caitlin Marceau
Toronto's Iconic Pancer’s Deli To Reopen

The deli, which was sold five years ago and closed earlier this year, is back in Pancer's hands and won't be leaving them any time soon

Read More

Israeli Scientists Accurately Determine The Length Of A Day On Saturn

March 26, 2015 | By Caitlin Marceau
Israeli Scientists Accurately Determine The Length Of A Day On Saturn

Using a new technique, a team of scientists from the Tel Aviv University and the Weizmann Institute have found a way to study the passing of time in other planets of the solar system

Read More

Harvey Weinstein Takes Home Humanitarian Award, Urges Jews To Kick anti-Semites "in the Ass”

March 26, 2015 | By Caitlin Marceau
Harvey Weinstein Takes Home Humanitarian Award, Urges Jews To Kick anti-Semites "in the Ass”

During his acceptance speech during the Simon Wiesenthal Center's National Tribute Dinner, Weinstein asked people to stand up against violence and oppression

Read More

Meet Shalom Life's Top 20 Under 40, Class of 2015

March 26, 2015 | By Daniel Koren
Meet Shalom Life's Top 20 Under 40, Class of 2015

Profiling the best and the brightest of Jewish Toronto

Read More

Jason Segel Tapped to Write/Direct New 'Lego' Movie

March 26, 2015 | By Sy Berg
Jason Segel Tapped to Write/Direct New 'Lego' Movie

Segel, who helped Disney revive 'The Muppets', will work alongside 'Iron Man 3' writer Drew Pearce

Read More

Parents, Widow of Fallen IDF Soldier Battle Over Custody of His Sperm

March 26, 2015 | By Yoram Yarkoni
Parents, Widow of Fallen IDF Soldier Battle Over Custody of His Sperm

Groundbreaking ruling awards parents of Israeli soldier right to use his sperm to father a child, despite his widow's objections

Read More

Chicago Tribune Cartoon Paints Bibi As Murderous Warmonger

March 26, 2015 | By Daniel Koren
Chicago Tribune Cartoon Paints Bibi As Murderous Warmonger

The publication allowed "the mainstreaming of incendiary lies about the leader of the Jewish state," says Simon Wiesenthal Center

Read More

More Headlines