Shalom Life | October 24, 2014

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

U.S. President plans to undergo bris on national television to regain Jewish trust

By: Daniel Horowitz

Published: June 16th, 2012 in News » World

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

In actions that many consider to be desperation, United States President Barack Obama, who has seen his support from Jewish Americans plummet in recent weeks, is doing all that he can to bring Members of the Tribe back into his Democratic fold.

In a move that has shocked all across bipartisan lines, President Obama, who recently presented Israeli President Shimon Peres and former Jew, singer Bob Dylan, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, has announced his plans to undergo a brit milah, commonly known as a "bris" - a ritual circumcision performed on Jewish males on their eighth day of life.

The President's bris will be performed live, on all three national US networks in the next week to ten days, in an uninterrupted telecast with no commercials, or, "uncut", if you will.

Should the bris not help his standings, Obama is also willing to get Bar Mitzvahed. "Drake did it in his 20s, and now David Arquette did it in his 40s. I would be happy to be the first American President to do it. Just not in Jerusalem. Not as long as it's a part of Israel," said Obama.

When reached for comments, The First Lady, Michelle Obama quipped, "Hey, I've been used to a turtle neck for all these years but now, with summer here, maybe it's time for a V-Neck. Besides, it might be fun, after all, I've often heard that 'once you had Jew, you forget all you knew!"

According to a spokesman for the president, other plans to woo Jewish voters back to the Obama camp include the president styling his close cropped hair to resemble a yarmulke, and, if reelected, Obama says he will dress like his hero, the late Black-Jewish singer and actor, Sammy Davis Junior, at the inauguration.

The above article is fictional. Well, except for Obama's desperate attempt to gain Jewish support. That, unfortunately for him, is all too real.

Op-Ed: A New Low for the Associated Press Op-Ed: A New Low for the Associated Press TrendingCanadian Sergeant Kevin Vickers Hailed as National Hero Canadian Sergeant Kevin Vickers Hailed as National Hero TrendingFrench Holocaust Survivor Indicted for Calling anti-Semitic Comedian an anti-Semite French Holocaust Survivor Indicted for Calling anti-Semitic Comedian an anti-Semite Trending
 

Startup Club: Hello Doctor

October 23, 2014 | By Caitlin Marceau
Startup Club: Hello Doctor

The revolutionary new app that allows patients to download their medical records has just received funding from companies that include Facebook and and Google

Read More

Breakthrough Jew - Nic Sheff

October 23, 2014 | By Sara Torvik
Breakthrough Jew - Nic Sheff

Sheff is a best-selling author who uses his experiences as an addict to help others struggling with similar battles.

Read More

Who Was Sarah Michelle Gellar's Favorite On-Screen Kiss With?

October 23, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Who Was Sarah Michelle Gellar's Favorite On-Screen Kiss With?

Hint: It's not her husband, Freddie Prinze Jr.

Read More

Paula Abdul Wants You To "Check Yourself" During Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October 23, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Paula Abdul Wants You To "Check Yourself" During Breast Cancer Awareness Month

The former 'American Idol' judge has joined forces with Avon for a new campaign.

Read More

Is This a Halloween Costume or Just James Franco?

October 23, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Is This a Halloween Costume or Just James Franco?

Seriously. We know Megan Fox is dressed up, but what is Franco doing?

Read More

Smart People Listen to Bob Dylan, Dumb People Listen to Beyonce

October 23, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Smart People Listen to Bob Dylan, Dumb People Listen to Beyonce

A new study has compared SAT scores to musical taste to determine what types of music people of varying intellects listen to.

Read More

Air Canada Centre Painted Blue & White As Jewish Toronto Cheers On Maccabi Haifa [PICS]

October 23, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Air Canada Centre Painted Blue & White As Jewish Toronto Cheers On Maccabi Haifa [PICS]

The Israeli basketball team had an impressive 21-0 run before losing to the Raptors, 92-85

Read More

Op-Ed: A New Low for the Associated Press

October 23, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Op-Ed: A New Low for the Associated Press

After a Palestinian terrorist rammed his car into a crowded train station, killing a baby, the Associated Press ran this story: "Israeli Police Shoot Man in East Jerusalem"

Read More

More Headlines