Shalom Life | February 26, 2015

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

U.S. President plans to undergo bris on national television to regain Jewish trust

By: Daniel Horowitz

Published: June 16th, 2012 in News » World

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

In actions that many consider to be desperation, United States President Barack Obama, who has seen his support from Jewish Americans plummet in recent weeks, is doing all that he can to bring Members of the Tribe back into his Democratic fold.

In a move that has shocked all across bipartisan lines, President Obama, who recently presented Israeli President Shimon Peres and former Jew, singer Bob Dylan, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, has announced his plans to undergo a brit milah, commonly known as a "bris" - a ritual circumcision performed on Jewish males on their eighth day of life.

The President's bris will be performed live, on all three national US networks in the next week to ten days, in an uninterrupted telecast with no commercials, or, "uncut", if you will.

Should the bris not help his standings, Obama is also willing to get Bar Mitzvahed. "Drake did it in his 20s, and now David Arquette did it in his 40s. I would be happy to be the first American President to do it. Just not in Jerusalem. Not as long as it's a part of Israel," said Obama.

When reached for comments, The First Lady, Michelle Obama quipped, "Hey, I've been used to a turtle neck for all these years but now, with summer here, maybe it's time for a V-Neck. Besides, it might be fun, after all, I've often heard that 'once you had Jew, you forget all you knew!"

According to a spokesman for the president, other plans to woo Jewish voters back to the Obama camp include the president styling his close cropped hair to resemble a yarmulke, and, if reelected, Obama says he will dress like his hero, the late Black-Jewish singer and actor, Sammy Davis Junior, at the inauguration.

The above article is fictional. Well, except for Obama's desperate attempt to gain Jewish support. That, unfortunately for him, is all too real.

An Open Letter to Banksy: Even Without Mentioning Israel, Your New Gaza 'Ad' Still Reeks of anti-Zionism An Open Letter to Banksy: Even Without Mentioning Israel, Your New Gaza 'Ad' Still Reeks of anti-Zionism Trending#BibiSpeaks4Me Rally Planned For Day of Netanyahu Speech in Washington #BibiSpeaks4Me Rally Planned For Day of Netanyahu Speech in Washington TrendingThe Fight for Nazi-Era Treasure The Fight for Nazi-Era Treasure Trending
 

An Open Letter to Banksy: Even Without Mentioning Israel, Your New Gaza 'Ad' Still Reeks of anti-Zionism

February 26, 2015 | By Daniel Koren
An Open Letter to Banksy: Even Without Mentioning Israel, Your New Gaza 'Ad' Still Reeks of anti-Zionism

Op-Ed: Does the artist place blame of the current state of Gaza only on "Operation Protective Edge" in his new mini-documentary?

Read More

Legal Scholars Say NO to BDS

February 26, 2015 | By Moran Regev
Legal Scholars Say NO to BDS

Association of Young Legal Historians defies calls for academic boycott that have grown louder in Europe and North America

Read More

UCLA Student Government "Biased"Against Jewish Candidate

February 26, 2015 | By JNS.org
UCLA Student Government "Biased"Against Jewish Candidate

Students ask Jewish candidate if her Jewishness is a "conflict of interest"

Read More

The Ten Most Important Jewish Oscar Wins

February 25, 2015 | By Caitlin Marceau
The Ten Most Important Jewish Oscar Wins

With the Academy Awards having come and gone, we look at the most influential Jewish Oscar wins in history

Read More

Top 20 Under 40 – David Tichauer

February 25, 2015 | By Ashley Baylen
Top 20 Under 40 – David Tichauer

This award-winning comedian and playwright is co-producing and co-writing an upcoming CBC radio show called 'The Panel Show'

Read More

Israelis Create First Ever Augmented Reality Goggles for Snowboarders & Skiers

February 25, 2015 | By Daniel Koren
Israelis Create First Ever Augmented Reality Goggles for Snowboarders & Skiers

Tel Aviv-based RideOn has already raised $95,000 on Indiegogo

Read More

#BibiSpeaks4Me Rally Planned For Day of Netanyahu Speech in Washington

February 25, 2015 | By JNS.org
#BibiSpeaks4Me Rally Planned For Day of Netanyahu Speech in Washington

Organized by Israel's Voice and Voice of the Copts, along with other grassroots organizations

Read More

Tel Aviv Named One of the World's Most Tech-Friendly Cities

February 25, 2015 | By NoCamels Team
Tel Aviv Named One of the World's Most Tech-Friendly Cities

List compiled by real estate firm Savills also lists San Francisco and Austin

Read More

More Headlines