Shalom Life | September 23, 2014

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

U.S. President plans to undergo bris on national television to regain Jewish trust

By: Daniel Horowitz

Published: June 16th, 2012 in News » World

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

In actions that many consider to be desperation, United States President Barack Obama, who has seen his support from Jewish Americans plummet in recent weeks, is doing all that he can to bring Members of the Tribe back into his Democratic fold.

In a move that has shocked all across bipartisan lines, President Obama, who recently presented Israeli President Shimon Peres and former Jew, singer Bob Dylan, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, has announced his plans to undergo a brit milah, commonly known as a "bris" - a ritual circumcision performed on Jewish males on their eighth day of life.

The President's bris will be performed live, on all three national US networks in the next week to ten days, in an uninterrupted telecast with no commercials, or, "uncut", if you will.

Should the bris not help his standings, Obama is also willing to get Bar Mitzvahed. "Drake did it in his 20s, and now David Arquette did it in his 40s. I would be happy to be the first American President to do it. Just not in Jerusalem. Not as long as it's a part of Israel," said Obama.

When reached for comments, The First Lady, Michelle Obama quipped, "Hey, I've been used to a turtle neck for all these years but now, with summer here, maybe it's time for a V-Neck. Besides, it might be fun, after all, I've often heard that 'once you had Jew, you forget all you knew!"

According to a spokesman for the president, other plans to woo Jewish voters back to the Obama camp include the president styling his close cropped hair to resemble a yarmulke, and, if reelected, Obama says he will dress like his hero, the late Black-Jewish singer and actor, Sammy Davis Junior, at the inauguration.

The above article is fictional. Well, except for Obama's desperate attempt to gain Jewish support. That, unfortunately for him, is all too real.

British Political Candidate Tells ISIS to Attack Israel, Calls Hitler "Zionist God" British Political Candidate Tells ISIS to Attack Israel, Calls Hitler "Zionist God" TrendingAmerican-Jewish Billionaires Keep the Memory of the Holocaust Alive American-Jewish Billionaires Keep the Memory of the Holocaust Alive TrendingLimmud FSU Canada Readies for its Inaugural Jewish Learning Festival Limmud FSU Canada Readies for its Inaugural Jewish Learning Festival Trending
 

IDF Reserve Soldiers Can Now Use Medical Marijuana

September 22, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
IDF Reserve Soldiers Can Now Use Medical Marijuana

We speak to CEO of Canadian cannabis supplier MedReleaf about this "historic" new decision that will allow a few hundred reserve soldiers to continue with their medication

Read More

Israel Places 19th in World Baseball Ratings

September 22, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Israel Places 19th in World Baseball Ratings

The Jewish state has moved up seven places in the latest International Baseball Federation world rankings, ahead of countries such as Great Britain and South Africa

Read More

EXCLUSIVE: ‘Pardes’ Artists Discuss Koffler Gallery Exhibit

September 22, 2014 | By Sara Torvik
EXCLUSIVE: ‘Pardes’ Artists Discuss Koffler Gallery Exhibit

Pardes, which is a word that means 'orchard' in Hebrew, explores everything from Jewish mysticism and ritual heresy, military technology and gender ideologies, and marginalize voices and the occult.

Read More

Joseph Gordon-Levitt to Play Edward Snowden?

September 22, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Joseph Gordon-Levitt to Play Edward Snowden?

The 'Sin City: A Dame To Kill For' actor is being consider for the role of Edward Snowden in Oliver Stone's 2015 film.

Read More

Billy Joel Helps Gov. Andrew Cuomo Clean Up New York

September 22, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Billy Joel Helps Gov. Andrew Cuomo Clean Up New York

The 'Piano Man' joined elected officials at the 21st annual Oyster Bay Beach and Harbour Cleanup

Read More

Sarah Silverman Upset Over Tabloid Marriage Rumors

September 22, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Sarah Silverman Upset Over Tabloid Marriage Rumors

Contrary to recent reports, the comedian doesn't plan to marry Michael Sheen.

Read More

The Nosh Pit - Kosher Autumn Recipes

September 22, 2014 | By Sara Torvik
The Nosh Pit - Kosher Autumn Recipes

It's official. The summer is over. As the days start to get shorter and the temperature begins to lower, there's one piece of good news: you can turn your oven back on!

Read More

Canada Begins To Invalidate Passports of Suspected Terrorists

September 22, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Canada Begins To Invalidate Passports of Suspected Terrorists

New legislation will label passports of Canadians who have left to fight in Syria or Iraq as invalid

Read More

More Headlines