Shalom Life | September 01, 2014

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

U.S. President plans to undergo bris on national television to regain Jewish trust

By: Daniel Horowitz

Published: June 16th, 2012 in News » World

President Obama Desperate to Regain Jewish Support

In actions that many consider to be desperation, United States President Barack Obama, who has seen his support from Jewish Americans plummet in recent weeks, is doing all that he can to bring Members of the Tribe back into his Democratic fold.

In a move that has shocked all across bipartisan lines, President Obama, who recently presented Israeli President Shimon Peres and former Jew, singer Bob Dylan, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, has announced his plans to undergo a brit milah, commonly known as a "bris" - a ritual circumcision performed on Jewish males on their eighth day of life.

The President's bris will be performed live, on all three national US networks in the next week to ten days, in an uninterrupted telecast with no commercials, or, "uncut", if you will.

Should the bris not help his standings, Obama is also willing to get Bar Mitzvahed. "Drake did it in his 20s, and now David Arquette did it in his 40s. I would be happy to be the first American President to do it. Just not in Jerusalem. Not as long as it's a part of Israel," said Obama.

When reached for comments, The First Lady, Michelle Obama quipped, "Hey, I've been used to a turtle neck for all these years but now, with summer here, maybe it's time for a V-Neck. Besides, it might be fun, after all, I've often heard that 'once you had Jew, you forget all you knew!"

According to a spokesman for the president, other plans to woo Jewish voters back to the Obama camp include the president styling his close cropped hair to resemble a yarmulke, and, if reelected, Obama says he will dress like his hero, the late Black-Jewish singer and actor, Sammy Davis Junior, at the inauguration.

The above article is fictional. Well, except for Obama's desperate attempt to gain Jewish support. That, unfortunately for him, is all too real.

Spanish Imam Asks Allah to Destroy All the Jews [VIDEO] Spanish Imam Asks Allah to Destroy All the Jews [VIDEO] TrendingAl-Qaeda Presents: Terrorism 101, A Guide on Making Bombs and Choosing Targets Al-Qaeda Presents: Terrorism 101, A Guide on Making Bombs and Choosing Targets TrendingIsrael Concerned as Rebels Linked to al-Qaeda Seize Control of Syrian Side of Border Israel Concerned as Rebels Linked to al-Qaeda Seize Control of Syrian Side of Border Trending
 

The Ten Best Curb Your Enthusiasm Episodes

August 29, 2014 | By Caitlin Marceau & Daniel Koren
The Ten Best Curb Your Enthusiasm Episodes

While Season 9 may be a mere fallacy, we do have 8 seasons of Larry David's hilariously awkward comedy to keep us company

Read More

'Ray Donovan' Creator Ann Biderman Leaves Show

August 29, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
'Ray Donovan' Creator Ann Biderman Leaves Show

Writer David Hollander will take the helm of the Showtime series starring Liev Schreiber

Read More

Watch the Trailer for Jon Stewart's Directorial Debut [VIDEO]

August 29, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Watch the Trailer for Jon Stewart's Directorial Debut [VIDEO]

'Rosewater' will hit a theater near you in November

Read More

Joaquin Phoenix to Play Marvel's Dr. Strange?

August 29, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Joaquin Phoenix to Play Marvel's Dr. Strange?

Reports indicate that Phoenix is in final talks to play the wizard warrior in a new Marvel franchise

Read More

Bryan Singer Investigated for Alleged Sex Crime

August 29, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Bryan Singer Investigated for Alleged Sex Crime

According to sources, the NYPD is looking into a claim that Singer sexually assaulted a man in his twenties

Read More

Spanish Imam Asks Allah to Destroy All the Jews [VIDEO]

August 29, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Spanish Imam Asks Allah to Destroy All the Jews [VIDEO]

In a Friday sermon, Sheik Saleheoldine al-Moussaoui says the Jews are "by nature treacherous and war-mongering"

Read More

Al-Qaeda Presents: Terrorism 101, A Guide on Making Bombs and Choosing Targets

August 29, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Al-Qaeda Presents: Terrorism 101, A Guide on Making Bombs and Choosing Targets

The terrorist organization has released a detailed booklet on how to make pressure cooker bombs, and which U.S., U.K., and Israeli targets should be attacked

Read More

Putin Compares Ukrainian Army to the Nazis

August 29, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Putin Compares Ukrainian Army to the Nazis

The Russian President condemned Ukrainian troops firing at civilians in eastern Ukraine who he said are "suppressed with force"

Read More

More Headlines