Shalom Life | April 19, 2015

Lebanese Judo Team’s Official List of Outrageous Demands

CollegeHumor gets a hold of the Lebanese Judo team's list of demands

By: Julie Shain

Published: August 1st, 2012 in News » World

Lebanese Judo Team’s Official List of Outrageous Demands

Before the start of the Olympics, the Lebanese Judo team refused to share practice space with the Israeli Judo team during their allotted gym time. Instead they demanded that a makeshift curtain be erected, likely to ward off cooties. Here were their other important demands.

Snack

During snack break, give us snack first.

If animal crackers, the Lebanese Judo team calls dibs on all the lion, bear, zebra, gorilla and tiger shapes. If the Israeli Judo team insists on snack, give them the sheep ones.

Okay but first, break the sheep animal cookies so they can’t tell that they’re sheep animals.

Tell them they were sheep animals so the Israelis don’t think they got lions or anything.

With regards to juice, the Lebanese Judo team adamantly insists on apple. NO juice for the Israeli team.

They have to drink? Okay well is mud a juice? The Lebanese Judo team allows mud-flavored juice for the Israeli team.

Olympic Village Sleeping Arrangements

The Lebanese Judo team insists on top bunks for naptime. No wait, bottom bunk. No top bunk. What did the Israeli team want? Top bunk?

The Lebanese Judo team demands the top bunk.

In a separate room obviously.

The Israeli Judo team still gets bottom.

Recess

The Lebanese Judo team officially demands the monkey bars. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. If the Israeli Judo Team wants the monkey bars they can SU-

Addendum: The Lebanese Judo team officially demands exclusive access to the swings.

Addendum: slide.

Addendum: monkey bars again

Addendum: swings

Addendum: hopscotch area

Addendum: the recently made hopscotch area

Addendum: chalk.

Competition

The Lebanese Judo team resolutely and irreversibly insists on the GOLD MEDAL for Judo and for all categories. That is because the Lebanese Judo team is really good at Judo and wants all gold medals really badly and worked hard for it so yeah. All gold.

The Lebanese Judo team insists that the Olympics people give the Israeli Judo team the bronze medal.

For sucking.

And then okay tell them that actually it was a mistake they didn’t even get any bronze medal after all and give it to someone else. HA

WE GET ALL THE GOLD MEDALS.

Yes, of course the sucking one too. ALL GOLD.

This article first appeared on CollegeHumor.com

Hamas to Gazans: Kidnap More Israelis Hamas to Gazans: Kidnap More Israelis TrendingLong Island Students Caught Wearing Incredibly anti-Semitic Shirts While Drinking Underage Long Island Students Caught Wearing Incredibly anti-Semitic Shirts While Drinking Underage Trending400 Torontonians Join Jews From Across the Globe in Poland on March of the Living 400 Torontonians Join Jews From Across the Globe in Poland on March of the Living Trending
 

Netanyahu, Amy Schumer, Sarah Koenig and Others Make TIME's 100 Most Influential People

April 17, 2015 | By Caitlin Marceau
Netanyahu, Amy Schumer, Sarah Koenig and Others Make TIME's 100 Most Influential People

Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Diane von Furstenberg, Kevin Hart, Lorne Michaels, and many more make the 12th annual list

Read More

Israeli Defense Firm Creates System to Detect Terror Tunnels

April 17, 2015 | By JNS.org
Israeli Defense Firm Creates System to Detect Terror Tunnels

Elbit Systems developed the new tunnel-detection system together with the Israeli Defense Ministry and other partners in Israel

Read More

Rabbis, Mental Health Professionals Holding Conference to Support Young LGBT Jews

April 17, 2015 | By Caitlin Marceau
Rabbis, Mental Health Professionals Holding Conference to Support Young LGBT Jews

Conference to be held in Israel this Sunday will bring Orthodox rabbinical community, and the therapeutic community, together in support of LGBT teens

Read More

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s Trip to Israel Cost Them $1 Million

April 17, 2015 | By Caitlin Marceau
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s Trip to Israel Cost Them $1 Million

Mind you, they were only there for a couple days

Read More

Hamas to Gazans: Kidnap More Israelis

April 17, 2015 | By JNS.org
Hamas to Gazans: Kidnap More Israelis

"Our men, our women, our children [should] always think of kidnapping your soldiers and settlers, wherever they may be"

Read More

You Could Be The Next Goldstar Beer Taste Tester. Seriously.

April 17, 2015 | By Caitlin Marceau
You Could Be The Next Goldstar Beer Taste Tester. Seriously.

The company is need of a new chief beer tester, and is turning to the Israeli public for help

Read More

The Kosher Switch May Not Be So Kosher After All

April 17, 2015 | By Caitlin Marceau
The Kosher Switch May Not Be So Kosher After All

Marketed as a way to keep kosher during the Shabbat, many rabbinical sources fear the Kosher Switch may rely on a Jewish loophole to keep "kosher"

Read More

David Blatt Has NBA's Cavaliers Surging at Playoff Time

April 17, 2015 | By Bob Jacob/Cleveland Jewish News/JNS.org
David Blatt Has NBA's Cavaliers Surging at Playoff Time

"It's a great time to be in the city of Cleveland," says the Israeli Head Coach, whose team squares off against the Celtics on Sunday

Read More

More Headlines