Shalom Life | July 26, 2014

Lebanese Judo Team’s Official List of Outrageous Demands

CollegeHumor gets a hold of the Lebanese Judo team's list of demands

By: Julie Shain

Published: August 1st, 2012 in News » World

Lebanese Judo Team’s Official List of Outrageous Demands

Before the start of the Olympics, the Lebanese Judo team refused to share practice space with the Israeli Judo team during their allotted gym time. Instead they demanded that a makeshift curtain be erected, likely to ward off cooties. Here were their other important demands.

Snack

During snack break, give us snack first.

If animal crackers, the Lebanese Judo team calls dibs on all the lion, bear, zebra, gorilla and tiger shapes. If the Israeli Judo team insists on snack, give them the sheep ones.

Okay but first, break the sheep animal cookies so they can’t tell that they’re sheep animals.

Tell them they were sheep animals so the Israelis don’t think they got lions or anything.

With regards to juice, the Lebanese Judo team adamantly insists on apple. NO juice for the Israeli team.

They have to drink? Okay well is mud a juice? The Lebanese Judo team allows mud-flavored juice for the Israeli team.

Olympic Village Sleeping Arrangements

The Lebanese Judo team insists on top bunks for naptime. No wait, bottom bunk. No top bunk. What did the Israeli team want? Top bunk?

The Lebanese Judo team demands the top bunk.

In a separate room obviously.

The Israeli Judo team still gets bottom.

Recess

The Lebanese Judo team officially demands the monkey bars. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. If the Israeli Judo Team wants the monkey bars they can SU-

Addendum: The Lebanese Judo team officially demands exclusive access to the swings.

Addendum: slide.

Addendum: monkey bars again

Addendum: swings

Addendum: hopscotch area

Addendum: the recently made hopscotch area

Addendum: chalk.

Competition

The Lebanese Judo team resolutely and irreversibly insists on the GOLD MEDAL for Judo and for all categories. That is because the Lebanese Judo team is really good at Judo and wants all gold medals really badly and worked hard for it so yeah. All gold.

The Lebanese Judo team insists that the Olympics people give the Israeli Judo team the bronze medal.

For sucking.

And then okay tell them that actually it was a mistake they didn’t even get any bronze medal after all and give it to someone else. HA

WE GET ALL THE GOLD MEDALS.

Yes, of course the sucking one too. ALL GOLD.

This article first appeared on CollegeHumor.com

Ron Dermer to CNN: You Do Your Viewers A Disservice [VIDEO] Ron Dermer to CNN: You Do Your Viewers A Disservice [VIDEO] TrendingOp-Ed: Recep Tayyip Erdoğan – With Friends Like This Who Needs Enemies? Op-Ed: Recep Tayyip Erdoğan – With Friends Like This Who Needs Enemies? TrendingSenior Hamas Officials Are Living the Good Life Senior Hamas Officials Are Living the Good Life Trending
 

Lena Dunham and Andy Samberg Team Up For HBO Mockumentary

July 25, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Lena Dunham and Andy Samberg Team Up For HBO Mockumentary

The 'Girls' and 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' stars will appear in an upcoming sports mockumentary.

Read More

Joan Rivers Staunchly Defends Israel, Insults Selena Gomez [VIDEO]

July 25, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Joan Rivers Staunchly Defends Israel, Insults Selena Gomez [VIDEO]

The controversial comedian slammed Gomez for her #PrayForGaza tweet

Read More

The Ten Best Seinfeld Memes

July 25, 2014 | By Caitlin Marceau & Daniel Koren
The Ten Best Seinfeld Memes

We look at some of the most entertaining memes inspired by the iconic TV show

Read More

Jesse Eisenberg Feels Safe In Israel, Calls It "A Wonderful Country"

July 25, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Jesse Eisenberg Feels Safe In Israel, Calls It "A Wonderful Country"

The 'Social Network' star recently visited for a Q&A at Beit Lessin Theatre

Read More

James Franco Outs His Brother Dave, Tells Internet He's Dating Zac Efron

July 25, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
James Franco Outs His Brother Dave, Tells Internet He's Dating Zac Efron

The 'Neighbors' co-stars are apparently in a serious relationship, according to a very unreliable gossip site

Read More

Guess what Canada? Daniel Radcliffe is Stuck Here Due To Visa Issues

July 25, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Guess what Canada? Daniel Radcliffe is Stuck Here Due To Visa Issues

Torontonians should be on the look out for the former 'Harry Potter' star

Read More

Shia LaBeouf Arrives in Court For 'Cabaret' Incident

July 25, 2014 | By Ashley Ramnarain
Shia LaBeouf Arrives in Court For 'Cabaret' Incident

The former 'Transformers' actor appeared unshaven in a suit to face charges for criminal trespass, disorderly conduct and harassment

Read More

Cupcake Truck Calls Israelis "Zionist Pigs"

July 25, 2014 | By Hugh Holt
Cupcake Truck Calls Israelis "Zionist Pigs"

New York-based Cupcake Crew, a finalist on Cupcake Wars, tweet some rather offensive comments

Read More

More Headlines