Shalom Life | January 29, 2015

Lebanese Judo Team’s Official List of Outrageous Demands

CollegeHumor gets a hold of the Lebanese Judo team's list of demands

By: Julie Shain

Published: August 1st, 2012 in News » World

Lebanese Judo Team’s Official List of Outrageous Demands

Before the start of the Olympics, the Lebanese Judo team refused to share practice space with the Israeli Judo team during their allotted gym time. Instead they demanded that a makeshift curtain be erected, likely to ward off cooties. Here were their other important demands.

Snack

During snack break, give us snack first.

If animal crackers, the Lebanese Judo team calls dibs on all the lion, bear, zebra, gorilla and tiger shapes. If the Israeli Judo team insists on snack, give them the sheep ones.

Okay but first, break the sheep animal cookies so they can’t tell that they’re sheep animals.

Tell them they were sheep animals so the Israelis don’t think they got lions or anything.

With regards to juice, the Lebanese Judo team adamantly insists on apple. NO juice for the Israeli team.

They have to drink? Okay well is mud a juice? The Lebanese Judo team allows mud-flavored juice for the Israeli team.

Olympic Village Sleeping Arrangements

The Lebanese Judo team insists on top bunks for naptime. No wait, bottom bunk. No top bunk. What did the Israeli team want? Top bunk?

The Lebanese Judo team demands the top bunk.

In a separate room obviously.

The Israeli Judo team still gets bottom.

Recess

The Lebanese Judo team officially demands the monkey bars. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. If the Israeli Judo Team wants the monkey bars they can SU-

Addendum: The Lebanese Judo team officially demands exclusive access to the swings.

Addendum: slide.

Addendum: monkey bars again

Addendum: swings

Addendum: hopscotch area

Addendum: the recently made hopscotch area

Addendum: chalk.

Competition

The Lebanese Judo team resolutely and irreversibly insists on the GOLD MEDAL for Judo and for all categories. That is because the Lebanese Judo team is really good at Judo and wants all gold medals really badly and worked hard for it so yeah. All gold.

The Lebanese Judo team insists that the Olympics people give the Israeli Judo team the bronze medal.

For sucking.

And then okay tell them that actually it was a mistake they didn’t even get any bronze medal after all and give it to someone else. HA

WE GET ALL THE GOLD MEDALS.

Yes, of course the sucking one too. ALL GOLD.

This article first appeared on CollegeHumor.com

Artist Envisions The Simspons as Jews During the Holocaust Artist Envisions The Simspons as Jews During the Holocaust TrendingUnaired Hitchcock Holocaust Film Finally Shown on HBO Unaired Hitchcock Holocaust Film Finally Shown on HBO TrendingJoe Rotman, Toronto Businessman, Philanthropist, and Icon, Dead at 80 Joe Rotman, Toronto Businessman, Philanthropist, and Icon, Dead at 80 Trending
 

Israelis Develop 3D Metal Printer

January 29, 2015 | By NoCamels Team
Israelis Develop 3D Metal Printer

The revolutionary 3-D printing system is the first of its kind in Israel

Read More

Thousands Arrive at Funerals for Soldiers Killed in Hezbollah Attack

January 29, 2015 | By Gilad Morag
Thousands Arrive at Funerals for Soldiers Killed in Hezbollah Attack

Maj. Yochai Kalangel buried on Mount Herzl, while Staff-Sgt. Dor Nini is being laid to rest in Moshav Shtulim

Read More

EXCLUSIVE: Nancy Spielberg Talks New Documentary ‘Above and Beyond’

January 28, 2015 | By Ashley Baylen
EXCLUSIVE: Nancy Spielberg Talks New Documentary ‘Above and Beyond’

'Above and Beyond' is the first major feature-length documentary about the foreign airmen in the 1948 Arab-Israeli War.

Read More

Toronto is Hosting a Drake Themed Drag Party

January 28, 2015 | By Ashley Baylen
Toronto is Hosting a Drake Themed Drag Party

This weekend, The Crush Project invites you to 'Drake Expectations'.

Read More

Reporter to Rashida Jones: I Like Your Tan [VIDEO]

January 28, 2015 | By Ashley Baylen
Reporter to Rashida Jones: I Like Your Tan [VIDEO]

A TNT correspondent commented on Jones' "tan" at the SAG awards.

Read More

Sorry, Israel’s BDSM Domino’s Ad is Fake

January 28, 2015 | By Ashley Baylen
Sorry, Israel’s BDSM Domino’s Ad is Fake

Domino's announced that the viral ad for their new sriracha pizza is unauthorized.

Read More

Anti-Israel BDS Movement May Be Fashionable in Academia, But It's Far From Invincible

January 28, 2015 | By Roberta P. Seid, JNS.org
Anti-Israel BDS Movement May Be Fashionable in Academia, But It's Far From Invincible

BDS resolutions degrade academia and do not meet even the most elementary scholarly standards

Read More

Hezbollah to Israel: We Don't Want Further Escalation

January 28, 2015 | By Itamar Eichner, Moran Azulay
Hezbollah to Israel: We Don't Want Further Escalation

Attack was an 'eye for an eye' - revenge for January 18 attack in Syria attributed to Israel

Read More

More Headlines