Shalom Life | October 25, 2014

Lebanese Judo Team’s Official List of Outrageous Demands

CollegeHumor gets a hold of the Lebanese Judo team's list of demands

By: Julie Shain

Published: August 1st, 2012 in News » World

Lebanese Judo Team’s Official List of Outrageous Demands

Before the start of the Olympics, the Lebanese Judo team refused to share practice space with the Israeli Judo team during their allotted gym time. Instead they demanded that a makeshift curtain be erected, likely to ward off cooties. Here were their other important demands.

Snack

During snack break, give us snack first.

If animal crackers, the Lebanese Judo team calls dibs on all the lion, bear, zebra, gorilla and tiger shapes. If the Israeli Judo team insists on snack, give them the sheep ones.

Okay but first, break the sheep animal cookies so they can’t tell that they’re sheep animals.

Tell them they were sheep animals so the Israelis don’t think they got lions or anything.

With regards to juice, the Lebanese Judo team adamantly insists on apple. NO juice for the Israeli team.

They have to drink? Okay well is mud a juice? The Lebanese Judo team allows mud-flavored juice for the Israeli team.

Olympic Village Sleeping Arrangements

The Lebanese Judo team insists on top bunks for naptime. No wait, bottom bunk. No top bunk. What did the Israeli team want? Top bunk?

The Lebanese Judo team demands the top bunk.

In a separate room obviously.

The Israeli Judo team still gets bottom.

Recess

The Lebanese Judo team officially demands the monkey bars. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. If the Israeli Judo Team wants the monkey bars they can SU-

Addendum: The Lebanese Judo team officially demands exclusive access to the swings.

Addendum: slide.

Addendum: monkey bars again

Addendum: swings

Addendum: hopscotch area

Addendum: the recently made hopscotch area

Addendum: chalk.

Competition

The Lebanese Judo team resolutely and irreversibly insists on the GOLD MEDAL for Judo and for all categories. That is because the Lebanese Judo team is really good at Judo and wants all gold medals really badly and worked hard for it so yeah. All gold.

The Lebanese Judo team insists that the Olympics people give the Israeli Judo team the bronze medal.

For sucking.

And then okay tell them that actually it was a mistake they didn’t even get any bronze medal after all and give it to someone else. HA

WE GET ALL THE GOLD MEDALS.

Yes, of course the sucking one too. ALL GOLD.

This article first appeared on CollegeHumor.com

Jews Around the World to Take Part in the Shabbat Project Jews Around the World to Take Part in the Shabbat Project Trending‘Fury’ A Blistering Account of World War II—Sans the Holocaust ‘Fury’ A Blistering Account of World War II—Sans the Holocaust TrendingFor the First Time Ever, Women of the Wall Hold Torah Reading at the Kotel For the First Time Ever, Women of the Wall Hold Torah Reading at the Kotel Trending
 

The Ten Best Bagels in Canada

October 25, 2014 | By Caitlin Marceau
The Ten Best Bagels in Canada

Our guide to the best bagels across Canada, from Montreal to Toronto

Read More

Seinfeld Finally Joins Facebook and Instagram [VIDEO]

October 24, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Seinfeld Finally Joins Facebook and Instagram [VIDEO]

A hilarious video shows Michael Richards asking Seinfeld to take out Netflix and Hulu.

Read More

Seth Rogen and Megan Fox Join James Franco’s ‘Zeroville’

October 24, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Seth Rogen and Megan Fox Join James Franco’s ‘Zeroville’

Rogen and Fox will be co-starring alongside Will Ferrell, Danny McBride and Dave Franco

Read More

Mila Kunis Dolls Are Coming To a Store Near You

October 24, 2014 | By Ashley Baylen
Mila Kunis Dolls Are Coming To a Store Near You

Adorable dolls featuring Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum in 'Jupiter Ascending' are coming out in January

Read More

Jews Around the World to Take Part in the Shabbat Project

October 24, 2014 | By Daniel Koren
Jews Around the World to Take Part in the Shabbat Project

Jews in 460 cities across the world to take part in the inspirational Jewish initiative, including Paula Abdul and Mayim Bialik

Read More

Wix Named 'Hottest Middle Eastern Startup'

October 24, 2014 | By Viva Sarah Press
Wix Named 'Hottest Middle Eastern Startup'

Inc. magazine credits Israeli DIY website creation platform with taking a complicated task and making it enjoyable

Read More

‘Fury’ A Blistering Account of World War II—Sans the Holocaust

October 24, 2014 | By Jason Stack, JNS.org
‘Fury’ A Blistering Account of World War II—Sans the Holocaust

The Brad Pitt and Shia LaBeouf-starring film essentially omits the brunt of the Holocaust from World War II

Read More

Israeli Company Shows that Energy Does in Fact Grow on Trees

October 24, 2014 | By NoCamels Team
Israeli Company Shows that Energy Does in Fact Grow on Trees

The eTree is a solar-powered urban habitat that is constructed from metal pipes and topped with solar panels

Read More

More Headlines