Shalom Life | July 01, 2014

The Love Jewce: An Israeli Surfer in Brisbane, Part 2

Israel is hot, but karma is a betch

By: Andria Kaplan

Published: May 27th, 2014 in Culture » Society » News

Read Part I for An Israeli Surfer in Brisbane to catch up here.


Okay, so my mom isn’t “Kosher,” but that doesn’t mean I don’t eat challah on Fridays or date “real” Jewish boys (by real I mean full bloods).

I’ll have you all know that I still celebrate eight nights of Hanukkah and starve on Yom Kippur.

However, at a Shabbos dinner at the Chabad house in Brisbane, which was the penthouse of an upscale apartment overlooking the river, my big black curls and olive skin let the cat out of the bag. The rabbi asked if I was Sephardic because of my looks. At the time I was more like SeFARTic from the pounds of hummus I had been digesting. I explained to him my dad’s side of the family was a mix of Spanish-Lithuanian Jews and my mother was a blend of German and Native American.

The rabbi was so shocked you’d think I told him I was a white supremacist.

This evening was coming to a halt. He and his wife shook their heads and tried to not act surprised or shocked or disappointed or G-d only knows. There was obviously a problem that my mom took a dive in the mikveh to marry my father. #Bye

I scurried down 12 flights of stairs and went to my apartment irritated. I spent the entire night googling about bloodlines of Judaism. That’s another story. Like my hair is big, my mouth is bigger so next Friday before shul I went early to ask the rabbi what was up. He said he didn’t understand why I was so “committed” to Judaism since I’m not really Jewish. #ICantEven

Then, he proceeded to tell me he could have me further convert, I was 36 shades of angry by now. I obviously had to tell Asaf about this (remember, my hot Israeli surfer boyfriend). Thinking Asaf actually had an interest in me, I thought he would be caring. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case and he totally agreed with the rabbi. My perfect world was being shattered and I literally couldn’t do a thing about it.

So to put the icing on the cake turns out Asaf was just looking for some fun and wound up breaking off an engagement a month before he met me to a full blooded Jewish girl. We argued and didn’t speak for a few days and through a mutual friend I found out he was back to being engaged.

Truth be told I probably shouldn’t have broken up with my ex in a text message from 9,000 miles away, and try to fill a sense of loneliness with G-d and a hot Israeli man.

Israel is hot but karma is a betch.


Andria Kaplan is ShalomLife’s 89% kosher resident dating/love columnist. Find her on Tinder, but only if you’re Jewish.

Want to share your own Tinder stories, awkward dates, or interesting JDate experiences ? Email Andria at andriakaplan@gmail.com or tweet your suggestions to @ShalomLife, or @AndriaKaplan.

Tune in next Tuesday for the next episode of The Love Jewce.

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